He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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