booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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