addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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