We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
