hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
