Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
