Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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