final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
