I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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