I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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