I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
