Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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