All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
