I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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