I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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