ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
