So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
