His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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