I think I am morally bankrupt
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
