i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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