I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
