So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
