it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
