How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
