and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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