All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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