i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
