Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
