i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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