I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
