So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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