If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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