You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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