I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
