I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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