Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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