i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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