WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
