You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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