You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize