she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm at about main and main street
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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