I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
