You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
