this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
