No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
