yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
