apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we're so committed to being not committed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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