Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
