Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
