White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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