Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
