I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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