i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
