Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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