Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
