??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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