Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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