She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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