something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
