Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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