If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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