How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
