Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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