yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
