You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
