Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
