the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
