Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
