i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
