So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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