im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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