According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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