i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
