I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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